


I love you, Just you.

by ohyouwatchusrun



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohyouwatchusrun/pseuds/ohyouwatchusrun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never has she been jealous before, and especially not jealous because of Matt, but now watching him endlessly flirt with Jenna it makes this green-eyed monster come out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you, Just you.

She glares across the set, her eyes boring in to the side of his head. She can’t get rid of this awful tugging feeling in her stomach and she just doesn’t understand it. Never has she been jealous before, and _especially_ not jealous because of Matt, but now watching him endlessly flirt with Jenna it makes this green-eyed monster come out. It’s only now that she realises that she _must_ have feelings for Matt, because you don’t just feel this way about a… well about a _friend._

She watches as Matt and Jenna laugh together, Jenna swats Matt’s arm at something he says and Matt bops Jenna’s nose and _that’s our thing,_ Alex thinks to herself before realising how childish she’s being but she cannot shake this feeling. She’s so used to _her_ being the only one he flirts with, there are times when she thought his flirting might have meant more. Now though, seeing him flirt with Jenna makes her realise that she is nothing special, definitely not to him.

 Soon Matt places a hand on her arm and leans in to kiss her on the cheek before turning away and Alex realises he’s walking towards her, she clears her head of all the thoughts of jealousy and smiles as he approaches her.

“Good morning beautiful” he says grinning and placing himself in the seat next to her.

“Hi” she says greeting him with a small smile and she knows already that she sounds un enthusiastic, usually she’s greet him with a ‘hello darling’ or ‘morning sweetie’ and she scolds herself for being so immature and bloody obvious.

Matt turns to look at her curiously, “You alright Lex?” He asks placing his hand over hers on the arm of the fold up chair and rubbing soothing circles over the back that send shivers down her spine. Knowing that she shouldn’t be feeling like that she pulls away. “I’m fine” she replies giving him another smile just as fake as the last and she knows he can see right through her.

When she pulls away she thinks she sees a sudden flash of pain across his face for just a second before it turns to concern. “No you’re not, you’re acting…strange, what’s the matter? Come on Kingston, we tell each other everything.”

She doesn’t want to seem stupid, and she definitely doesn’t want him to know she’s _jealous_ so all she can do is put up her defences, “I told you Matt, I’m fine” she says standing up and walking up to the set, getting in place for their next scene.  Alex knows that Matt isn’t going to stop, he was right, they do usually tell each other everything. She used to go to him about Florian and Salome, and they would stay up for hours talking until she fell asleep and he’s pick her up and put her to bed, always leaving a little post-it note for her in the morning.

He had always been so lovely to her and she realises now that it’s all these little things that made her fall in…

_No,_ she thinks to herself _stop being stupid Alex, you are not in love with Matt. _Whenever those thoughts cross her mind again, she scolds herself and pushes them as far to the back of her mind as she can.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Matt can’t understand why Alex is acting so distant, they usually spend _all_ their time together, and today he’s hardly seen her at all, every time he goes to speak to her she thinks of a reason to leave and he knows that something must be wrong, they’re usually so close. She’s his best friend, even though he wishes they could be more, if he were honest with himself he would know how much he loved her from the moment her met her. The two of them hit it off right from the start and he knew they could be great. Now though, he didn’t know what was happening, why she was acting like she was. He had to find out.

They film the last scene of the day and Alex plays River excellently as always but as soon as the director calls to ‘cut’ the cheeky grin leaves her face and she goes to walk towards her trailer. Matt of course follows her.

“Lex!” he calls out, “Alex wait a second”

Alex doesn’t even turn around, “Not now Matt” she replies, walking faster than before and he becomes _angry,_ because it may have only been a day but he misses her, he doesn’t understand what he’s done.

Just before she reaches her trailer Matt catches up to her and grabs her wrist turning her to face him. _He looks angry_ she thinks to herself and she worries for the conversation that’s to come.

“What the _hell_ is wrong with you today? Have I… have I done something?” he questions looking down at his feet and she hates herself for making him look like that by why does he _care._

“Nothing’s wrong darling” she tries a subtler approach “but I need to go so, if you could just…” She pulls at her arm and he loses his grip, “Thank you” she says smiling and turns to walk away.

“Don’t give me that, I think you’re forgetting I know you better than almost anyone” he says a lot calmer following her towards her trailer.

“Oh darling” she laughs bitterly, “You know nothing about me.” 

She hears him stop walking and she really, _really_ had not meant it to come out like that, she didn’t want to hurt him but she wanted him to just stop pestering her because she could never tell him what was _really_ upsetting her. She wanted to, but she just _couldn’t_.

She’s scared to turn around, scared to look at him in fear of seeing how angry he is. When she turns around however, all she see’s is pain, pain and sadness. He looks at her with his mouth slightly ajar and eyes glazed over with tears and her heart clenches, how could she be such a _bitch_ to him, this wonderful man, the man that always puts her first and has _always_ looked after her in times of need. She has so much to thank him for and now she’s treating him like _this._

Matt kicks at the ground, all anger gone and now just… emptiness. “I- do you… I mean” his voice trembles as he tries to get his words out and Alex cannot understand why he’s so upset, she didn’t think she meant _that_ much to him.

“Do you really think that?” he asks voice quiet and shy, and she has never known him to be like this. The Matt she knows is always so confident and definitely never shy.

“No, Matt darling, I…”

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence though as Matt raises his hands and cuts in, “You know what Lex, it- it’s fine, I’m just gonna” he gestures towards his trailer and begins to walk off . Alex stands in the same place dumbfounded by the way he’s reacting; she had just expected him to argue, be angry maybe but not this. Never this.

“Matt!” she calls out, running after him as he goes up the steps to his trailer and closes the door behind him, not even acknowledging her calling out to him.

“Darling, I’m sorry. Please let me in, let me explain” she says standing at his door, she hears no reply and so tries opening the door in hope he hadn’t locked it behind him. Surprisingly he hadn’t locked it and she breathes a sigh of relief when the door opens, however that sigh turns in to a gasp when she see’s Matt. He’s sitting at the edge of his bed, head in his hands as he quietly sobs. She knows because his shoulders move shakily up and down. In all the years she has known him, only ever has she known Matt to cry once. She remembers looking after him in Cardiff when he was unbelievably ill, so ill that he cried in to her shoulder as she lay with him in his bed.

She begins to walk warily over to him, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, because she did this. She doesn’t quite know _why_ he’s crying over something so small, but all she does know is that he’s upset, and it’s her fault. When she gets closer to him she kneels on the floor and tries to pull Matts hands away from his face.

“Matt, look at me love. I’m sorry okay, I would never intentionally make you this upset, I didn’t realise. I didn’t know it- I didn’t know it mattered so much to you.” She says quietly and he lets her take his hands in hers and see his tears streaked face. He still remains quiet, and Alex will do anything to make sure he smiles again.

It’s in that moment that she realises. She _really_ realises, how utterly, insanely in love with this man she is. Of course she had known for a long time, but only now does she realize that she would do anything to see him smile, she would do anything if it made him the slightest bit happy. If she could, she’d wake up every morning to his gorgeous smile, but she _can’t_ because he doesn’t feel the same way, and why should he. He’s Matt, lovely gorgeous Matt and she’s Old Alex, and he deserves so much more. He could never want her.

Deciding it best to think of Matt right now, she takes one of her hands and wipes under his eye before running her hand over his forehead and pushing his fringe back from his face. “Matthew, sweet heart, please talk to me.” She pleads squeezing his hand tightly but as if burnt he pulls his hand from hers and stands up leaving her there on the floor shocked at the sudden movement.

“You know” he begins before clearing his throat from tears, “After everything, I-” he can’t seem to get his words out and she just wants to gather him in her arms and just _apologise,_ but she knows by the look in his eyes that she needs to let him continue.

“God Lex, I thought we were friends. You’re my _best_ friend and I share everything with you. I thought it went both ways you know? Never have I let anyone in the way I let you, because I’m so comfortable with you, you’re so caring and lovely and always understanding. And I wanted to be that person for _you,_ because so many before have trodden all over you, treated you like you weren’t worth it, and to me, you totally are. I wanted to be there for you like no one else had before, because you _matter_ to me, so much.”  He says pacing the room and she sits, surprised at his words but also heart aching a bit because they are friends, and that’s the problem, she doesn’t want to be ‘just friends’ with him. She wants so much more.

She goes to speak but he gets there first, clearly not finished. “For a long time I thought I was that person, I thought I knew you so well.”

“You do darling, you do. You know me better than any…”

“Then why did you say that Alex?!” he all but shouts, and it makes her jump.

“Because I don’t think you realize how much that stung. It was sort of like you were saying ‘these years of friendship meant nothing’ you know, because apparently I don’t know anything about you.” He almost whispers the last bit, running his hand through his hair, one of his habits she has come to adore.

She stands up now, just wanting to make this better. “Matt I’m sorry okay? I didn’t- I did not mean that, it was stupid and I wasn’t thinking, I was just upset-”

“Exactly! Exactly, you were upset so why don’t you _talk_ to me?” He asks, walking over to her and noticing the sheen of tears in her eyes. Hating seeing her sad he sighs and embraces her in his arms, holding her close and placing a kiss to her temple.  “Why have you been so off today?” he mumbles in to her hair.

Taking a deep breath, she decides that this needs to be said. Because she doesn’t want to ruin their friendship but if she keeps it any longer it might end up doing just that. She pulls back so she’s looking him in the eye, “Because Matt-“ she begins, worried as to carry on but she knows It needs to be said, so she says it, all in one breath. “Because it’s supposed to be me, not her, I love you more than she ever could, and it _hurts_ because you want _her,_ not me.”

Matt steps back, eyes wide as he takes in what she just said. “Wha- Lex… Who are you talking about?” he asks brow furrowed.

“Don’t play dumb Matt” she attempts smiling, “Jenna of course.”

Matt laughs, he properly laughs, moving closer to Alex and taking her face in his hands. “Oh you silly, silly woman” he sighs and Alex almost feels _hurt_ because how can he be laughing and joking as if what she had just said meant nothing.

“You really don’t know do you?” he asks brushing away the tears from her cheeks.

“Know- know what?” she asks, confusion taking over.

“It’s _you”_ he states, “Oh you silly woman, it has _always_ been you. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to notice me? Like really, notice me Lex? For so long, I just wanted to be seen. Not by Jenna, not by _anybody_ else Lex, I wanted to be seen by _you.”_

Alex stares at him mouth wide because he can’t be saying what she thinks he’s saying. “Matt-” she breathes.

“You’re so oblivious Alexandra, so, so oblivious. I’ve loved you for so long, I just, _never_ did I think you would ever feel the same, so I was a friend. I tried to be the best friend I could just so I could spend time with you, so I could be there for you. I kept telling myself that it would be enough but it isn’t, not nearly. The last thing I want to do is scare you Lex, but if I could choose one person to see for the rest of my life, it would be you. Every single time it would be you.”

She wants to reply, she really does but she doesn’t know what to say. Before she can even think of what to say to him, he leans in and presses his lips against hers, hard. At first she’s shocked and stiff, but it only takes her seconds to reacts to the kiss, pressing her lips harder against his and wrapping her arms around his neck. She can taste the tears from the pair, but more than that he tastes like tea, and the mints he carries in his pocket at all times, not only that, he tastes like something distinctly _Matt._

Their kiss starts slow but grows in to something so much more, Matt runs his tongue along her bottom lip and she opens up willingly for him and lets out a sigh as his tongue battles with hers. Unlike the kisses shared on set with cameras and crew, this kiss is full of passion and hope and most importantly _love._

Reluctantly they break for air breathing harshly as he places his forehead against hers.

“You- you love me?” she asks shyly, worried that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.

“I love you” he replies smiling down at her.

“You don’t fancy Jenna?” she asks biting at her bottom lip.

“Just. You” he answers kissing the end of her nose.

Alex’s face breaks out in a huge grin as she wraps her arms tighter around his neck and jumps so that her legs are around his waist.

“We’ve been idiots” she says beaming at him as he holds her to him.

“We have?” he asks grinning at her.

“Mmhm, because…” she begins, kissing under his ear and down his neck, “I love you too, so much Matt” she says and she can feel tears prick her eyes again. But for a completely different reason, these are tears of complete and utter joy.

“Hey” he says kissing the tears away from her cheeks, “No more tears okay? As long as you’ll let me, I want to make sure you never cry again. I want to make sure you never feel sad or unimportant or _hurt_ ever again.”

She is astounded by what he’s saying because never in her dreams did she think he would feel this way about her, but it seems like he’s fallen just as badly as her. “You- you promise, you mean that?” she asks leaning her head against his and pushing in to him feeling his attraction for her through the denim he’s wearing.

“I have never.” He begins kissing along her jaw “Meant something more in my life.” That’s all Alex needs before smashing her lips once again against his and grinding her hips down on his.

That evening they spend together, making up for all the time they have missed loving each other and never realising. Matt makes love to her like she has never experienced before and she knows that she will never meet another like him. After making love countless times, they leave Matt’s double bed to grab food from the small fridge and spend their time feeding each other between sweet kisses and loving words.

Alex _knows_ now that she needs to speak to him, about anything and everything because if she hadn’t told him, then this wouldn’t have happened and she never would have known. The pair of them know how happy they are going to be, because for so long they have spent so much time together and they are never happier than when they are together.

Every other time she has fallen in love, she has been worried to fall, worried of being hurt but deep down, she knows he will never hurt her and she will never hurt him. She knows that she will _never_ have to be jealous again. Because he loves _her,_ she can see that now.

They lay curled up together, Alex’s hands running across his sweat slicked skin drawing light patterns as he strokes her hair from her face and places kisses anywhere he can and holding each other as close as they can and not wanting to let go, but after all this time, the fact that they are holding each other at all is enough to make them both extremely happy.

“I love you” she whispers in to his neck sleepily.

“I love you too, so much."

"Just me?" she asks with a smile.

"Just you.” He smiles, placing a feather light kiss to her lips before the pair fall asleep, limbs entangled and smiles on their faces, happier than they have been in a very long time, and intending to stay that way. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small one shot, hope you enjoy.
> 
> Kudos and comments are wonderful Xx


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